“Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.”
~Jose Ortega y Gassett
“Oh, what I would do to shut down my mind.” These are the words from an email I received from one of our readers here at A Flourishing Life. “I long for peace and serenity amidst the chaos of my life, ” she continues, “yet I am so quickly sucked back into believing I need to control everything. I am overcome by expectations and fears…and a whole lot of self-doubt.”
Sound familiar?
So here is the problem: You want to experience your life in a more peaceful way, but the endless cascade of thoughts seems to be running the show. You are left feeling like a victim, out of control, and longing for the contentment that slips so easily from your grasp.
You Can’t Stop Thoughts
If you’ve tried to stop your thoughts, you know by now that you have taken on a virtually impossible task. Attempting to stop thoughts is like trying not to think of a pink elephant. If you are thinking them or trying not to think them, either way they are still receiving your attention. And they can surge with a vengeance.
Here’s the good news: you don’t need to spend one more second trying to stem the flow of thoughts. Why? Because you can’t.
And more good news: There is one very important action you can take that will open the doorway to greater peace.
You can make a commitment to yourself to not get involved with the content of your thinking.
What to Do With Thoughts
If your mind has gone wild and you are disturbed by your thoughts, it’s time to get intelligent. Be wise, be practical, and see through to the truth of your experience.
Let’s start by recognizing that when you are troubled by thoughts, there are two things going on. First, a thought arises in your mind. And, second, you pay attention to it.
This understanding offers a very interesting possibility. Remember that your attention is like food. What you give it to is what will thrive. What if thoughts could appear without being fed by your attention.
Many thoughts pass through your mind in the course of the day that don’t trouble you. Why? Because you aren’t interested in them. They come…they go…no problem.
But some thoughts are sticky, as you well know. They beg for your attention, and you comply. They are alive in you precisely because you have given them attention. You think them over and over. You embellish them with:
- Fears – “Oh, no!”
- What if…
- Why me
- She should have or shouldn’t have
- If only…
Well, it’s time for you to take back control. And the control that you have available to you is to get uninterested in your thoughts.
How to do this? You must – in your mind, heart, body, and soul – be finished with the suffering that your mind brings to your life. With every cell of your being, say, “No more!”
Useful or Not?
When a thought appears, first, ask yourself: Is this thought useful? This, in itself, can be a powerful practice. Because you recognize how useless the vast majority of your thinking is.
Do the stressful thoughts help? The worrying ones? The regretful ones? The ones that criticize, judge, and divide?
Feel the effects of thinking these thoughts. How does your body feel? Are you happy?
When you tell the truth about the futility of most of your thinking, losing interest in it becomes the obvious, sane choice.
Losing Interest
If a thought isn’t useful, doesn’t bring you happiness, and disturbs your peace of mind, then lose interest in it. Here are some ways to do that:
- Turn away
- Throw it in the imaginary trash
- Just say no
- Drop it – like a hot potato
- Let it go
- Remind yourself that it isn’t helping you
- See that it is just sound in your head
- Take it in like it is speaking in a language that you don’t understand
- Hear it say, “Blah, blah, blah…”
- “I need to tune out my thoughts like my kids tune out my nagging” – the “aha” moment of our friend who wrote the email I mentioned above.
In fact, aren’t we all masters at tuning out exactly what we don’t want to hear? I know my mother would say I was very good at it when I was a teenager. Apply this strategy to troublesome thoughts and see what happens.
“I tried it, but the thoughts keep coming.”
It’s essential to remember that the goal is not to get rid of thoughts.
The goal is to not be disturbed by thoughts in any given moment.
Your thinking, especially the highly conditioned kind, may continue for a very long time. Trying to stop it saps your energy and leaves you right where you started – struggling with your thoughts.
If you commit to turning away from thoughts with every fiber of your being, they lose their power over you.
A rush of thoughts? No problem. Recurring stories from your past? No problem. Thought whirlwinds about what should or shouldn’t have happened? No problem.
Keep the fire for happiness brightly lit, and your focus remains right here in the now. Thoughts don’t pull you away, so you can be at peace in this moment, and the next and the next…endlessly.
The mind might say, “But it’s not working!” This is just another thought trying to grab your attention – it has no meaning unless you make it real. Let all your thoughts be, and you will discover the timeless presence of now that is eternally peaceful.
Where Does Attention Go?
Now that you aren’t interested in your thoughts, where does your attention go? This is the lovely part, where you discover peace, contentment, and the problem-free continuous flow of experience. Yes, it’s possible for you.
You can’t think your way here; it is discovered once thought has lost its domination over you. And this is what you discover – the simple fact that you are aware.
What is this awareness? It is aware, alive, and pure. It has no personality, gender, nationality, or even history. It contains no content itself, but it is not at odds with anything that arises in it.
Dive in, and see for yourself.
Turn away from focusing on any objects – thoughts, feelings, people, situations. What is left is being aware.
You are aware and always have been, and this awareness is You.
If you want to bathe in the river of peace, happiness, and love, see what is standing in your way. Lose interest in your thinking – all of it, and your self, pure and luminous, will be revealed.
Any questions or insights? Sharing is most welcome…
44 Comments
Very good advice. I’m one of those whose mind never seems to stop. Years ago, when I was going through a very difficult period in my life, I began going to yoga classes. Those sessions were the only time that my mind seemed to stop its destructive chatter. I didn’t know then that there were other tools at my disposal.
Of course, this is some of the wonderful advice that is simple, but not easy. It’s a continual practice (which, as I remind myself, is why it’s called ‘practice’), but so worth it.
Clara Boza´s last [type] ..When Talent Needs "A Little More Time To Bake"
I appreciate hearing about your journey, Clara, and your recognition that dealing with an active mind is simple, but not always easy.
Really, this is all about happiness. When the choice becomes super clear, why wouldn’t we want to continually practice being our true selves – not the mind-driven self. Yes, it takes commitment, but the commitment is about peace that is deeper than the deepest peace imaginable. This is the understanding that can keep the fire burning.
Hi Gail,
This is some wise insight – finding ways to re-direct attention and imagination rather than trying to combat detrimental thoughts head on. Acting like negative mental forecasts are speaking a foreign language – I think I’d really like to start practicing that one!
I find that usually the thoughts I can’t lose are the ones that echo strong internal beliefs. And its funny how those beliefs can seem silly when spoken aloud or otherwise dragged out into the light of day, but when they remain in my mind they weild so much power.
Seth Mullins´s last [type] ..Freedom from the Inner Tyrant
Thanks for your insights, Seth. It’s beautiful to realize that strongly held beliefs create sticky thoughts. And, yes, the investigation of these beliefs shows them to be silly – and divisive. As we tell the truth at deeper and deeper levels, the potential for freedom from suffering becomes a tangible reality.
Combating detrimental thoughts doesn’t work, ultimately, because it takes so much effort and is not sustainable. When we can lose interest in thinking, it doesn’t matter if the thoughts are present or not and they eventually lose their power. Aaahh, freedom…
Great advice! I’ve been practicing this for some years now and there are definitely times when it comes more easily and those times are so peaceful. As Clara states it is continual practice, but so worth it!
I also find when I am going towards the habit of unnecessary worry that turning it over to God to take care of , brings instant relief and serenity! He consistently has my back and has always taken care of me ; )
Thanks for this addition, Barbara. When thoughts come in like a tsunami, sometimes we just can’t do it ourselves. Surrendering the thoughts, the suffering, the effort, the longing – really surrendering it all – can bring a great deal of ease. There have been times in my life when I said, “Take it all!” It’s a great release of the burden we feel we are carrying.
Gail, loved this post. I always share with friends (who I know will benefit) your posts as they seem appropriate. This has been a huge undertaking for me. My beloved husband passed away 4 years ago very suddenly. Although my only alternative to keep from going crazy has been to stop my mind from reliving every single moment leading up to that point. I can only cry out to Holy Spirit to give me It’s strength and try to move beyond my pain and quite my mind through sheer will. Always, it’s so hard. Even now, my tears come. When I think I have finally gotten it together, out of the blue, my subconscious stabs me with memories that overwhelm me. It’s to be a rest of my life thing I suppose. But I know what I have to do – put one foot in front of the other and stay the course. I am grateful for the Teachers that cross my path, and I believe you are one.
Thank you for your commitment.
I’m sorry for your loss, Arlene, and I appreciate the report of your suffering.
As I read your comment, it seems to me that you are stuck, and I was wondering how you can get unstuck. You are alive, and you have a choice about how you live. What do you want for your life?
It seems like you see yourself as a victim to your memories, but I know that victimhood is a choice. Is this the choice you want to be making?
If you want to fully live, when the stories and memories come, have a moment of tenderness, but don’t feed them. You say that you have peaceful times, then the memories come again. This is not a problem in itself. If the memories are there, let them be there. They are only thoughts, and all the strategies I discussed in this post are applicable. Enjoy the peaceful times, but don’t be thrown off by the memories. They have a momentum that needs to wind down. But even when they are present, You – aware, alive, not separate, full of potential – you are here, undisturbed.
Choose peace every time, and your life will open like a lotus flower.
Love to you….
Great road map for learning how to shut down ruminating thoughts and worries! Ilissa Banhazl, marriage and family therapy in Glendora, CA
Thanks for stopping by, Illissa!
I feel that this makes a lot of sense. I am currently dealing with a great deal of anxiety, racing thoughts, feeling overwhelmed, fearful, etc. So the idea of turning away from the negative thoughts and focusing on the present and on positive things does seem key. I have heard so many things along these lines such as “what you think about, you bring about.” So here is my question/thought: What do you think of the school of thought that says until you deal with (heal) problems, for example a traumatic experience from your childhood, it’s just going to continue to resurface? This also seems to make sense, yet it’s the opposite approach in some ways. I can’t change what happened to me, I don’t want to dwell on it, yet “stuffing it down” and ignoring it don’t seem to work either.
Thanks for an interesting and inspiring article.
Hi Amy,
You have asked a very important question, and I would like to write a post to give a thorough answer. I’m sure others have the same question as you. Stay tuned…
Love, Gail
Gail,
As usual, a very insightful and thought provoking (no pun intended) article. In my experience one of the keys to letting go of thoughts is taking a welcoming and accepting attitude towards them. What I mean by this is that it seems to me that when the harder I struggle to let go of a thought (or emotion for that matter), the harder it is to actually let it go. But when I welcome that thought or emotion in an accepting way, it is easier to for me to move on.
This, I think, is the notion of radical acceptance, and the notion that change comes easier through accepting than through fighting.
Chris Akins´s last [type] ..Taming the monkey mind
There is so much intelligence in your comment, Chris. All this talk about fighting thoughts, getting rid of them, etc. It just doesn’t work.
Can we please all have a little more compassion for ourselves? When we stop the fight, we can just be, with ease and peace.
Radical acceptance includes ending resistance with everything. Then it is seen that thoughts have no substance whatsoever. When we separate out a thought and our thinking about it, we realize that thinking only energizes the thought. But when we can see that thoughts are nothing at all without our attention – they are simply appearances that have no meaning (until we give them meaning), the doorway is opened to an endless well of peace.
Hi Gail,
Whenever I feel anxiety, I have a hard time to let go of thoughts. I feel like I really have to think them over and over as if they are very important. Not sure how to let go at that moment. I would really appreciate some advice..
Thanks,
Maria
Welcome to you, Maria, and thank you for your question.
I have a feeling you may be farther along than you think. You already have some distance from your thoughts if you recognize that you think them as if they are very important. You realize that you are aware of the thoughts – they are not you. Take the perspective of that which is aware – the awareness. You might call it the witness or that which notices. See if, more and more, you can keep your attention there. Move attention away from the thoughts and keep it on the awareness. The more you make this shift, the easier it will eventually get.
Also, realize that there are physical sensations appearing. Recognize that they are there also, and let them be. Dwell in expanded awareness that includes everything as much as you can. This is where peace lies.
Sending much love and support…
Hi Gail,
Thanks for the advice. Could you please elaborate some on how to keep attention on awareness? Even if I am aware, I am not able to let go of anxiety producing negative thoughts.
It might take some practice, Maria, but that’s not a problem at all if your intention is clear and sustained. Know that in every single moment you have a choice, and the choice you make creates your life circumstances. You can choose to focus on thoughts or you can stay with awareness.
See the thoughts just like chatter that has no meaning – words in another language you don’t understand. They are just mental noise that do not speak the truth. The goal is not to silence your thoughts – you don’t have the power to make that happen. But when they come, don’t believe them or give them the time of day. Put them aside and stand in the truth of who you are that is silent, clear, open, and completely at peace. Live here, and the thoughts are no longer a problem.
Hi Gail,
My mind goes crazy with thoughts quite often actually. You really need to filter what’s useful than what’s not though it takes a lot of practise. Id rather have many thoughts than none at all…thankyou for your informative viewpoint
be good to yourself
David
David Stevens´s last [type] ..5 Powerful ingredients that add “Meaning” to your Goals
It sounds like you are enjoying your thoughts, David – at least the useful ones! I trust that you, too, are being good to yourself.
Hello Gail,
I enjoyed reading your post. I absolutely agree that the more we try to stop thinking, the more we will have them. Instead, learning to make peace helps a lot more. We recognize the unwanted thoughts and allow ourselves to shift our attention away. We also try not to judge ourselves when having thoughts that are not helpful.
I like what you said about letting thoughts be. Great post!
And I like what you say also, Evelyn, about letting thoughts be. You have stopped the fight with thoughts – good for you!
You have said it just right – when what we want is peace, we have the option of being peaceful always. Deep acceptance, continually saying, “Yes!” to the experience of now. This is endless peace beyond even the present moment.
Hi Gail. I fully agree with you because I have been there. When I get carried away with my thoughts, I try to be more watchful of my thinking and just ignore any useless thoughts. But then, there are times when the emotion that comes with the thoughts (the regrets, the guilt, the anger) are so strong that the thoughts become so powerful and my awareness just faded away. My awareness comes back and take over the control only after my life has been chaotic and miserable. I begin to ignore those thoughts only after I realize how damaging they are to my present life and did not improve the past neither. Those are my tough moments.
I understand, Nor. Thanks so much for your heartfelt comment.
When you recognize that the thoughts are related to emotions, and that the emotions make the thoughts more sticky, be so kind and compassionate with yourself as you investigate the emotion. You will find stories (thoughts) and sensations in your body. Don’t feed the story, and feel the physicality of the moment – lovingly. Be gentle in these tough moments, but keep breaking your experience down until you see the truth of it. Right at the heart of it, of experiencing it directly, is the peace you long for.
Gail,
This is incredibly helpful. I`m wondering if you could please give me or write a post on how to deal with the most unpleasant sensations most of which come down to be this indefinable fear. The one strategy I`ve been using is: “Allow sensations to flow freely through your body.” But that one has grown stale.
Hi Cindy,
Here is the next step for you. Eventually, the story of “the most unpleasant sensations” has to go. There is just This. Even calling them sensations is removed from the actual experience, which cannot be stated in words. When experience is experienced just as it is, there is no separation between the experiencer and that which is experienced. There is just This. To repeat, there is no person who is experiencing anything, there is just the reality that appears now. Let all words and stories go – all of them – and you will discover that all that is here is experiencing or “aware-ing.”
So there is no “dealing with” sensations. There is only the experiencing of whatever is present. This is Life, Flow, Being – completely effortless, completely at peace. Take yourself out of it – any idea of who you are as a separate self – and you will discover that everything is already here, perfect and complete.
Oh my gosh, that photo at the top shot a dose of anxiety right into my mind. That is a stressed out person! Good thing I had the article to read right away and calm me back down. See the thoughts glide by…. Whew!
Galen Pearl´s last [type] ..In a Heartbeat
Love this, Galen! Seems like the photo drove the point home much more than one of a calm and peaceful person.
The thoughts that I can’t seem to shut down are worries or sadness when my teenage children are experiencing tough times. My anxiety for them is so much greater than anything I experience regarding my own life. It is difficult to understand.
Welcome, Beth. I can understand your reactions to your children going through tough times. They are a part of you and you love them and care for their well being. I’m not surprised to hear that you feel this way.
But if these feelings – worries and sadness – interfere with your happiness, then maybe they deserve a second look. Can you care about your children and also realize that they must live their own lives? We give our children a gift when we let them fall and pick themselves up again, when we give them the space to experiment. This letting go can be tricky, I understand. You are walking a very tender and heart-filled line.
In love and support to you….
I’m on a healing journey from cPTSD, and I find myself pondering the difference between sayings like ‘acceptance of what is”, and “what you resist persists’.
I feel caught in a bind because I’m trying to redirect my thoughts away from negative thinking/stories of the past and stay in the present, so resisting what is (my reality), but if I accept what is, then aren’t I accepting the negative thinking/stories?
Hope that makes sense???
Please help me to get these two sayings in perspective.
Hi Ali,
Beautiful question. I’m glad you asked for clarification.
If you look closely, you will see that there are different appearances in any given moment. You will experience thoughts, physical sensations, perceptions, feelings. If you pay attention only to the negative thoughts, you are not really accepting them, you are in a sense resisting the rest of your experience – or at least distracting from it.
If you let your attention move away from your mind and into your body, you will probably notice sensations and energies moving. If you keep thinking the negative thoughts, the body energy stays stuck. It gets tied up with emotions and you start spinning in a constellation of experiences that is familiar, but probably not comfortable or pleasant. Take away the thinking, and you are available to your direct experience. You are giving space for the emotions and sensations to be there or not – they are not being reinforced by attending to the story repeating in your mind. When you hear “what you resist persists,” it usually doesn’t refer to thinking. What we resist most are the more juicy and direct experiences of feeling and sensation. And we usually resist because we are frightened of them.
Same goes with accepting what is. It’s not necessarily just accepting the story of what happened. You are probably already beyond that point. But can you meet, welcome, and accept your experiences in the moment, even if they are challenging. Can you let the feelings and sensations simply be, without the story. In thinking there is often a doing – it is a way to avoid the rest of your experience. Being with sensations is just that – being. It is not fighting or avoiding, just being with.
Reality is what is stable, always here, and doesn’t come and go. If an experience is temporary, like a thought or sensation, it is not real. It appears and disappears. It is not reliable or abiding. It is simply an appearance. Reality is awareness. Are you aware? You will see that the commonality to every experience you’ve ever had – pleasant or unpleasant or neutral – is that you are aware. Keep your attention on awareness, and let all the experiences come and go. You, as awareness, are not resistant to or in conflict with any of them. Rest here, and you are at peace no matter what arises.
Hope this is helpful. Wishing you much love and support on your journey…
Such clear and wonderful advice – another important step in my journey towards healing and wholeness. Thank you so much for your insight.
Sandee´s last [type] ..An Imperfect Father’s Day
I’ve been practicing these skills today in dealing with obsessive worrying and critical thoughts. They really are helping. Thanks so much for your insight.
Sandee´s last [type] ..An Imperfect Father’s Day
Hi Sandee,
I’m so glad to hear that you have been applying what you are reading to your own experience. This is what is going to be most helpful. It’s not just about reading and hoping. You are discovering that when you begin to work intelligently with your inner experience, you can see that happiness is here and available now.
This is very nice. It reminds me of Emmet Fox in many ways. Loosing interest in your thoughts is not easy if there is no gap between the “I” and the thinking mind. Working on this awareness is key! Well worth it; like giving sight to the blind. Because when we believe to be our thoughts we are simply blind to who we are.
Nice also to see Seth in the comments above
Patri´s last [type] ..There is No Individual! Ramesh Balsekar, Advaita & Rifka Hirsch: A Compelling Interview
Hi Patri,
A warm welcome to you – thank you so much for stopping by.
Thought patterns are often highly conditioned, so losing interest in them is not easy. But little by little, it is possible. For me, it started after the fact, when I could see that I had been lost in a thought pattern. Gradually, I became aware of being lost closer and closer to when it occurred.
Yes, that detaching of “I” from the thinking mind. A question that has helped me is, “Are you aware?” Continuing to return to aware presence helps to decondition thinking. Ultimately, as I suspect you know, it’s not about getting rid of thought, but rather remaining as the presence that is never disturbed, no matter what arises.
I have always struggled with a racing mind. So many times my thoughts have led me to act impulsively which led to more discourse. I have become more reliant on prayer and will continue to do so, but this gives me an added perspective. Thank you!
So glad you found this post helpful, Brandy. Appreciate your comment and your commitment to not letting thoughts take you away from where you want to be.
Hi,
THis article is very useful.But I have question which I am not able to implement.
How to lose interest in some in ward thoughts. I want to lose interest, But My brain shows interest. it does not listen. Is there any scientific way to not to show interest.
Hi Arjun,
I appreciate your question, and I’m sure many other people have the same one.
I suspect that there are already times when your attention is not directed toward your thoughts. You might be engrossed in an activity or simply joyful and happy for some moments. So begin to consciously recognize those spaces between thinking that happen naturally. There may be thoughts appearing, but you aren’t interested in them.
If you understand the suffering that attaching to thoughts brings, every time you find your attention in thinking, which will definitely happen, reconnect with this understanding. Instead of being frustrated that you were thinking once again, have that be a moment of celebration when you “wake up” and realize that freedom from thought is possible. More of these moment starts to break the conditioned attachment to thinking.
The mind/brain is highly conditioned to think, but there is way more to you than thinking. Notice the moments of peace and effortless well being. Be very patient with yourself, keep the fire for awakening burning, and orient your whole life toward what you really want. The power of this alignment with reality will eventually wear down the habit of thinking. How do you know? You feel happy and joyful.
Feel free to let me know how it goes.
Hi,
Thank you somuch for the quick response.
It is nice of you.
Sorry for prolonging my question and reply to your response.
Here is my question:
The practise of detachment of toughts and accepting the thoughts is powerful way. It helped me a lot to reduce the rumenations and also inward thoughts some what.
Now I am at a stage where I get inward thoughts and show interest. ( I know that inward thoughts does not have power, the interest in inward thoughts make them powerful).
Option 1) If I try to practise to interupt the inward thoughts is a forceful way and mindful way , this requires our constant attention through out the day.
Do I need to go by this approach
OR
Option 2 ) Do I need to consider following way .Interest in inward thoughts is my problem. I have created it.Let it show interest but be mindful and don’t do any thing. slowly and slwoly it will loose interest. But it may require lot of patience and mindfulness that and accept that My mind will show interest.
This is where I get confused always. ( approach to not show interest in inward thoughts) . Please advice either option 1 or option 2.
Hi Arjun,
Applying effort to lose interest in thoughts is to tiring, as you might already know. I might suggest an approach in the middle of options 1 and 2. It’s useful to remember throughout the day to be aware that you are thinking and shift your attention to presence. But be light about it and very kind to yourself. Make it a simple shift with no drama or personal criticism.
Interest in thoughts is not a problem you created, so blame isn’t helpful. It is only a product of conditioning. Until we stop and reflect on what is actually going on, thinking is just what we do. But when you bring consciousness to the process of thinking, as you are doing, you can see how thinking doesn’t serve. It’s a matter then of letting go of the doing of thinking and connecting with the place of being and allowing. When you notice your attention has gone into thoughts unconsciously, simply let go and allow things to be as they are. Shift your attention to presence, the now, the awareness of this moment. Here is no trying and no doing. Simply be the aliveness that you are.
Hi
Thank you so much for taking interest to reply to message.
Your advice is valuble. Especially the last paragraph.
arjun
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